About a year ago I was apprehensive in building my art portfolio and starting a business. I'd spent countless hours trying to find 'my style', researching other artists in fear of not wanting to copy them, and what seemed liked endlessly painting pieces I felt weren't up to whatever irrational standard I had in my head about what it meant to be a professional artist.
At the same time I was applying for all sorts of jobs and redoing one resume after another. I hated reading job descriptions. Each one sounding more depressing than the next because no position seemed to really fit. I mean I didn't really fit. A few 'sorry candidate...' applications later along with some awful spells of feeling helpless (note: I hadn't been working for the better part of 3 years- we'll get to that someday), I spent a solid afternoon picturing exactly what I want: I want to create. I want to be a professional artist. I want to share stories. I want my inner creativity to manifest a better life. And I can't waste anymore time doing anything else! "I MUSTs" began to pour in. And then I let go of everything holding me back.
Looking back I can only attest to the hours that have added up to this point in time. The lessons, the wrangling the old parts of me away into distant memories, and the dream that has morphed into an obsession are now pieces to the vision I'm creating. It's just wonderful.